Crazy Fool, Naive, OR just simply paper

EDIT I reread this quick and saw that there are so many typos and in parts incoherent! Sorry about that, and now I am forcing myself to completely log-out that I can rest. I beg your indulgence with this post; I usually make a lot more effort NOT to be inconsiderate, or seemingly careless. But today I am just letting it be.

8:42

Thursday

Our house is a MESS!

I called at school today, and LUCKILY!!! my favourite teacher of the girls (I've mentioned her here before, as middle daughter's teaher from last year) Juf (that's how they addressed female teachers here in the Netherlands) A. answered, and she knows of my anxiety attacks and my dealings with manic-depression.

I told her, I'll be staying at home today, and she gladly assured me that she'll pass it on discreetly to Littlest teacher, who is not (yet) aware of my condition. She is what is equivalent of kindergarden, and I feel bad that I am too tired and scattered but I need to collect myself at least one day without biking in the bitter cold.

I need to put some order at home to feel good in my skin. It's NOW at that point that my surroundings is gettinng under my skin, and I need to re-establish serenity in our home.

10:50

Meanwhile after typing that entry, I got deeply engrossed in thanking each and everyone, who has helped and are making huge effort in helping me win in the blogging competition I entered>

Now, I am logging off, and letting all those who offered help to keep me in the running in the competition, do what it takes to achieve this.. :)

....

BTW...what do you think of this email.... I had to write it to get rid of my tension. LOL It got rid of it. Hope it does not bring new ones if she does reply. hihihi

Hi name deleted!

First of all this email has NO hidden agenda whatsoever. :)

I've been meaning to write to you since Fall last year. Remember we both reacted quickly to the blog of FBRunning's search for new blogger? And I won't deny that I checked on who would comment after me (future competitors!) in the next days after I did (10 consecutive days, in your case lol)!

We both know that people, who are online, blogs, uses social media network lead an almost (seemingly) "open book" life, specially if they are very present and active users of the net. Google a name and you can almost have a picture of who they (seem!) to be. Or puzzle together pieces of who they might be.

Reality is, it's not the whole person. I always try to keep that in mind. It is logical, one could say, but one could just easily fall into the trap of prejudice and prejugdgement.

What I am trying to say is, I am not a competitive person, and I simply stumbled upon the site of FBRunning at one of the most happiest time of my life. You know ignorance could be so bliss! I partcipated for the pure joy of being a part of an event, I only dreamed - but had doubts for so long that I would ever be, could be a part of, and now it's a reality; I'm actually participating! It's still pretty surreal.

After googling you last year, :) I was determined to stay neutral, and just see who I am up against (I googled all the rest of those who commented, fyi :D).

After being jealous and envious for a time period, I had to admit soon after, you earned my respect and admiration. You did this with your intelligence and sense of humour; you made me laugh so hard in most of what I was able to read from your blogs (old archive ones from name deleted, too), that I had to read it out loud to my partner, and some to my daughters. How could I be a hater of someone, who could do that.

I am writing because I've learned from the past that it's better to say what you feel, and not carry it unnecessarily with you. It confuses the mind, and one loses focus of what's most important.

We both want this bad, I know that! :D Perhaps for different reasons but who is to say, whose is far more important, right? :)

I just wanted to give you a bit of a picture to who I am, behind all this hullabaloo of competition, and to wish you luck at the same time. Sincerely.

AGAIN this is no hidden agenda! No mind games or BSing.

I simply don't want to start unnecessarily feeling negative emotions (as a side effect of the competition!) for someone I hardly really know. So, I am going with my instinct, and do what I usually do when I start feeling that my judgment will cloud over OR before it even begins to do that - write it out. Life should be simple!

Maybe I am naive about this but writing someone my true feelings usually helps a lot (I hope in this case, my instinct is right, that it might help not only me, but BOTH of us! :) ). I hope you feel my sincerity.

What ever the outcome of the competition, I hope we could somehow afterwards be able to communicate online without any animosity between us. I truly like your blogs (I'm a blog addict! lol), admire your writing and you have inspired me as a beginner runner, as well. I am just waiting for the competition to end that I may finally be able to comment on name deleted (as well as your FB page)!

breathes better :)

Regards,

P.S.

Now I can go back to regular programming of our day! lol

I would understand if you do not want to reply!