i know i should sleep right now.
im physically tired but this just endless thoughts and problems are in my head. and i try not to think of them and just focus on the present.
and its hard. perhaps it because i have made it into a habit to think what other people think, to think of negative thoughts and just be simply miserable.
perhaps i program myself to be like that.
and you know whats the worst part of all of this?
in 30 minutes or so i'll be a year older.
and im trying hard to make my birthday happy like i always do. but it always ended me pleasing everyone else except of me.
perhaps this is the lesson that i need to learn.
that i need to make my own happiness.
forgive others. let myself love and be love.
and perhaps it is time to choose my own happiness.
i feel like a light bulb is on my head right now.
just found the answers im been asking for.
so yeah right now i'll try to go to sleep. think of my happiness and just be grateful with everything life is offering me...
its my fricking birthday after all...
good night...
![cake]](http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3042/2710747006_2dff46b122_s.jpg)
Happy Birthday Queenie, hope it is, will be, was fantastic and filled with nice surprises and fond memories.