silently screaming

my thoughts are on nonstop chaos right now. all i want to do is be left alone.

there is a silent scream that i have been shouting all day long.

nobody can hear it except me.

its a scream of dissatisfaction, anger, hatred and overall impatient emotions that i have been carrying around.

i want to shout to god to the universe to whoever the fuck is out there,

hey there shithead, when will my time would come?

when will these fucked up emotions would stop?

i have been patient, i have been waiting, when will these fucked up emotions stop?

living in the moment.

been trying to do that.

and everytime i do either the past haunts me down, or the futures scares me to death.

it wouldnt help if some people in my life are still hostile towards me.

but i know i cannot control them. only i can control how i react towards them.

lost...

thats how i feel...

i still feel lost even if i know what direction i want...

i still feel unsure about it even if i know that i want it.

that fear after all is teh sign that it is something that i need to fight for because i know behind that fear is the happiness that i know that i always wanted.

maybe thats the problem? i let this fear rule me...

let this hatred and negative energy consume me...

i dont want it.

i dont like it.

i want it to go away.

i know the answer is deep inside me. and i know that fear is blocking me to know i and fight for it...

still...

i still scream silently....

waiting for myself to get tired from screaming...

waiting for myself to scream the fear out...

after im done...

i just wish the universe or god or whatever the fuck there is out there...

listened to that scream...