Friday night, and I am indeed sitting at home as per usual. I don't really mind tonight though, I just want to sit around and
listen to slow sappy songs. Currently I'm listening to Jolene by Ray Lamontagne. It's a really pretty song, in how it sounds but the lyrics and such are sad. If you don't know it, check it out next time you have 4:03 seconds spare time.
This is going to be either a really long post, or a post split up into parts, and I'm hopefully going to finish off my 30 day
picture challenge that got left behind in important things with life. So on with the show and we'll see where the flow takes us!
Right now I feel quite peaceful, mostly, I have a dull constant pain in my stomach. It feels like one of those bad feeling,
impending doom, crazy psychic phenomena like the guy who predicted the end of the calendar to be 2010 which means the world will probably implode or something. Maybe not so drastic, but if it's not one of those feelings it's the tank top I'm wearing, it's a smidgen tight. I'm to lazy to take it off besides I have a giant sweater on which is both keeping me inredibly comfortable as well as incredibly warm. I spend majority of my Friday nights on my own, in ways it's kind of depressing as I am 17 and well, most 17 year olds are having some form of a life. Most Fridays I get kind of depressed, there isn't really many people to talk to Dino is always with his friends at University, (which I'll talk about in a moment), and well I'm trying to reconnect with my friends who have dissapeared. (Again something I'll talk about).
First topic for discusssion is the university, which I will call res (short for residence) Dino has a group of friends there that he often spends Fridays with, partying and what not which I don't care about. I mean sometimes I wish that I could go, because there is this one girl Vanny who I am friends with and I never actually got to hang out with her but sometimes she texts me and says that she wishes I was ther instead of it just being Dino. One of Dino's friends is my ex's, and as most people close to me know it wasn't a healthy happy relationship majority of the time. A little while ago I was at Dino's and we were talking about a lot of really deep pesronal stuff, and I was having a hard time saying something and he said that I didn't have to if I didn't want to. The first thing I wanted to talk about was something to do with my mom, and then I had started to cry a little, and I told him thank you, because throughout grade 10 I had always felt guilty and weak for crying and having a hard time opening up. My ex would get frustrated if I didn't open up fast enough, I feel like a lot of stuff was ripped out to fast for me to deal with it. I don't regret it, it just makes me kind of sad at how.. well sad that I was during that time. Anyway, before I take this incredibly off topic, I sometimes wonder if Dino ever feels weird around my ex especially after the random times when something is bothering me from my past or something like that. I don't think that it's weird for me to think of such a thing, but I would feel weird just straight out asking that. And just so it is clear, I do not care that they are friends.
Second topic on the table is reconnecting with friends. The other day I had extra math help after school and my brother had a hair cut right after, so I got stuck at the hair dresses. However in the parking lot was one of my old friends Icka putting on fake nails, I sat in her car and we talked for the whole time it took her friend to finish with her hair appoitment. It was pretty great, my friend has been working two jobs and going to school so she hasn't really done to much in the last while she is saving up for the school Europe trip (not the whole school, just people who signed up and what not), so sometime after that when she isn't quite as busy we will hang out, so that's pretty exciting. I also have made a couple of plans for March break, which is hanging out with Vanny hopefully and having a Dinosaur themed Tea Party type thing. I really hope that it works out, and another is having a crazy Mario wii game a thon and a big jug of sunny d per person hang out with one of my other friends. All that I really want is to have more friends who are girls, so that I can have sleepovers and girls nights. I mean, I love hanging out with Dino but, I want to do more than just that. I don't know why everybody has distanced from me, I haven't ditched them for Dino or anything. The only thing close to that was leaving one morning, well afternoon when I was kinda sickish from Icka's house.
Anyhow I feel as though I've rambled enough. =3
--Simply
Well that was plenty to get out of your system, but I'm glad you did and I hope it helped you sort things out so you can feel positive about all of this. With some effort I think your friends outside of Dino will come around, but you just definitely gotta put the extra effort in, especially if it's been a while, because things will have changed with everybody so you'll need time catching up. So far as being home on Friday nights as a 17 year old, enjoy it while you can because there will come a time when free time, and alone time, will not be plentiful, so make the most of it, save up things you can only do best alone, and do those things so the rest of your time will be free for whatever. Things will pick up soon, especially once you graduate.